i know i’ve been distant. i’ve never felt more disconnected from social media than i do right now. it is as if even when i am here, i am not truly here. and for those of you who are still listening, i need to release what has been weighing so heavily on my heart. for the past few months, i’ve felt lost. suffocated by self induced doubt. paralyzed by the illusion of perfection. wrestling with untamed thoughts inside my mind. caught between two worlds. stillness and creativity. constantly torn between tracing inwards, and pouring outwards. giving love to myself. giving love to others. one of the most frequent requests i receive, is to share more. to show more. to make more videos. to take more photos. and for some reason, every time i raise a camera to capture this life, something inside my soul screams not to. initially, i thought that this was because a piece of me still feared vulnerability. as though transparency can only be embodied through exposing my inner world on film. documenting raw moments of my life to dilute the illusion of perfection constructed through social media. and today, it hit me like a tidal wave. my thoughts unraveled as a million droplets of water descended in unison, washing over every fiber of my being. clearing my vision. the truth is, vulnerability is a living expression of creative authenticity. doing what you love. loving what you do. and my purest form of self expression is writing. it always has been. since the time i was a child, and i relentlessly poured my imagination into the faded pages of the little journal that never left my side. words were my refuge. my sanctuary. instagram has never been about images for me. it has been the words. i don’t want to be looked at. i want to be looked into. i want to be listened to. i feel as though i’ve been so caught up in embodying the expectations of others, that i’ve become blind to what’s been in front of my eyes this entire time. all i want to do is write. all i’ve ever wanted to do, is write. i’m not sure why it’s taken me so long to see this. there is so much more i want to say, and i will, as time goes on. thank you for listening to my words. this is just the beginning.